Saturday, November 19, 2016
How my GPS tried to get me murdered
You may know that I've been saddle shopping, and the other day I had a saddle scheduled to arrive in the mail and the seller had it marked as sign on receipt so while I tried to be home the entire day Fedex attempted to deliver in the 1 hour window I was gone. Of course.
I managed to have the package held at their main hub or "Ground" facility after navigating a very frustrating menu If you've never been to a Fedex facility you should know that it looks like a high security Russian base. I had to park in a special area, enter a guard shack where the guards were frisking the employees as they left for the day and pick up the special white phone and wait for someone to answer it. Like the guard literally said "pick up the white phone, wait for someone on the other end to answer, tell them who you want whacked." I got my package, wasn't arrested for espionage, and was on my merry way.
Or so I thought.
As I was pulling out I hit "home" on my GPS to allow it to navigate me out of the twisty streets of the manufacturing district.
"GPS Signal Lost"
What do you mean lost, we're in the middle of the city and not the Hoosier National Forest. I pull into the straight only lane.
"GPS signal found, turn right here!"
As I was cursing my GPS a couple men in a Corvette with 16 inch rims squealed around me and spit gravel at my truck, apparently the 1/4 second hesitation at the light pissed them off.
"Go straight and turn left on Euclid"
OK GPS, sound fine by me. Vaguely noticed the Corvette also turned onto Euclid. Also noticed the first four houses were boarded up. Hey, the Obama economy hasn't helped everyone.
Corvette stopped in the middle of the road when it met an older model Caprice with 22inch spinners and a color changing paint job and there was an exchange of items between the drivers.
I continued to follow my GPS instructions and drove through an intersection where two people were filming something with a camera in the middle of the street.
"Turn Left here"
I obediently turned left and bumped into the Corvette again, who had stopped at the street corner and was exchanging something between the driver and a man in a hoodie on the corner.
I think my GPS is out to get me but decide that's just silly. GPS don't hold grudges. They can't hear you loudly swearing as they direct your trailer through 15 traffic circles then abandon you in the middle of nowhere. Right? Although I did mentally not that had I been towing the trailer it would have asked me to U turn. Coincidence.
"Turn right into this dark one way alley"
I turned right, although quite frankly the directions were a bit suspicious, and there was the Corvette, again stopped at the corner speaking to another pedestrian. Exchange of something white and something green.
Having now confirmed my GPS's murderous intent I promptly turned around in someone's driveway.
"GPS signal lost"
I found my own damn way out of the neighborhood, back to the highway, and to the barn to try the saddle on Stella.
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